Wellington, Women and Friendship

When we headed to London on September 6, 2022, we were looking forward to several upcoming events, but subsequent sad news changed everything. We first learned of the imminent death of Elizabeth II at a reception at Apsley House on the afternoon of September 8. Needless to say, all of us in attendance were plunged from one set of expectations for a conference on the Napoleonic Wars into wondering what would come next...where and when.
     Apsley House, Number One London, is the Wellington Museum, the 1st Duke's residence for several decades and now repository of his collections of paintings and relics of his career as a military and political hero, administered by English Heritage.

Apsley House had mounted a small exhibition Wellington, Women, and Friendship in one room and a small lower level gallery. The exhibition closes soon. For many years those of us who study the period in general and the 1st Duke in particular have watched the varied opinions about his relationships with women, ranging from the unhappiness of his marriage to scandalous gossip about his many alleged affairs. This presentation apparently focused on his friendships.

 Above, left, sketch of Kitty, Duchess of Wellington by Sir Thomas Lawrence, and right, a sketch of the very near-sighted Kitty at her easel. Please remember to click on the photos for larger versions. I had been looking forward to seeing the exhibition but the impact of the Queen's imminent demise meant that I hardly even noticed the exhibition. I looked at what it offered but I admit I didn't absorb it sufficiently.
    The website describes the exhibition: "In the 170-years since his death, the Duke’s reputation as a great military strategist and statesman has tended to overshadow his reputation during his lifetime, which was that he was something of a ‘ladies’ man’. Through letters, portraits and much more, on loan from public and private collections, Wellington, Women and Friendship presents an intimate picture of a very public life; revealing Wellington's social circle, his marriage and how his friendships with women could sometimes provoke rumour and gossip."

    The tale is well known of young Wellesley's 1793 proposal to Kitty Pakenham in Dublin, a proposal her family refused since Wellesley's prospects were not encouraging. He pursued his military career, and nine years later, after his successes in India, he apparently felt obligated to renew his suit, even though the two had not corresponded in all that time.
   They were married in Dublin in 1806, had two sons, though they were often apart when he was fighting elsewhere. It was no secret in Britain that the marriage was a disappointment to him. Kitty was simply unsuited to make herself the kind of companion he desired.
     Below, left, Georgiana Lennox; right, Niece Priscilla Wellesley-Pole, later Lady Burghersh, then Countess Westmorland.

Above, left, Harriet Arbuthnot; right. sketch of the Duke and Mrs. Arbuthnot strolling. It was also well known that Wellington enjoyed the company of many women with whom he could talk, clever women whose conversations brought him  great pleasure. Both before and after Kitty's death in 1831, his name was associated with numerous ladies, some of whom boasted shamelessly about their relationship. We shall never know how to sort the truth from the fiction perhaps, but we know he was very helpful to many women as they struggled with legalities and other delicate situations in their often circumscribed lives. Below, paintings in Apsley House of friends.

Pictured in the top row above, from the left. Isabella Freese; Lady Charlotte Greville; Mary, Marchioness Salisbury; Charles Arbuhnot. Lower row, Frances Gascoyne Cecil, Lady Salisbury; the first duke; Marianne Caton Patterson, Lady  Wellesley; and Harriet Arbuthnot. Although I looked at the exhibition, my mind was elsewhere and either no photos were allowed or I simply never took any. Below, left Marianne again, and Angela Burdett-Coutts, of the London banking family. At age 33 in 1847, she is said to have proposed marriage to the duke, then aged 78, which he declined due to the vast difference in their ages. Before she died in 1906, she is said to have given more than £ three million to charitable causes.  

Based on what I could recall as well as on published reviews, the exhibition did not deal with the more salacious stories about the duke and his alleged amours. Above, left, the courtesan Harriette Wilson, who supposedly threatened to publish her memoir of their relationship unless he compensated her, to which the duke is reported to have responded, "Publish and be damned."  Above, right is Giuseppina Grassini, famed opera star in both Paris and London who supposedly compared her affairs with both Napoleon and Wellington, finding the latter superior. Below, left, Frances, Lady Salisbury, whose family was close to the  duke; right, Caroline Lamb, who claimed an affair with the duke as well as others, including Lord Byron. 

Above, left, Sarah Sophia, Lady Jersey; right, Madame Germaine de Stael.  
    These ladies undoubtedly enjoyed attention from the duke, and there were many others not included in the exhibition, at least the parts I saw. The nature of his attentions will have to be left to either future discovery or your imagination.  
    Back to the exhibition: Below left, Anne Wellesley, Countess of Mornington (1741-1831), mother of Arthur Wellesley and his five siblings, as painted by his niece Priscilla; right, 1st Duke of Wellington and his daughter-in-law, Elizabeth, Lady Douro, of whom he was particularly fond, pictured c. 1844.